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It's (Not) So Funny How We Don't Talk Any More
There’s something missing now after News at Ten. No phone call from mum. That had been our ritual most nights in the last twenty-odd years since I had moved to London: a general, rambling gossip of at...
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Everything Must Go
We moved in just before Christmas 1973. It was a time of power-cuts, strikes, and three-day weeks - but that meant little to me as a child, beyond the novelty of candles when the lights went out. Far...
View ArticleSay the Unsayable
The world is rightly becoming more aware of the needs of people with dementia, and “living well with dementia” is a vital aspiration; but it seems to me that the drive to promote this undoubtedly...
View ArticleLet's Get Real
Readers may have noticed that I haven’t updated my blog in recent months. There are two main reasons: firstly, I’m aware that many whose lives are touched by dementia are looking for uplifting, or at...
View ArticleNot the Beige Cardigan
Dementia Action Alliance Carers' Call to Action is a UK campaign that aims to highlight the particular needs of dementia carers and recognise their rights; I’m a member. Along with a number of other...
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I Don't Know Who You Are
The day had started well. A jewel-bright morning of azure sky and fields fluorescent with yellow oilseed rape, as I made the two-and-a-half hour journey down to see mum. I stopped off as usual at the...
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Confabulations, No Celebrations
Confabulation. Sounds like a hybrid word, doesn’t it, like “fantabulous” or “ginormous”? And indeed it is a hybrid – of fact and fiction. If you haven’t heard of it as a term, you’re not alone; but if...
View Article"Truth" or "Lies"?
In my previous post I discussed confabulation, a lesser-known variant of delusion or hallucination, which can be experienced by some people with dementia. The challenge these symptoms pose to carers is...
View ArticleWomen and Dementia
Two thirds of people living with dementia in the UK are women, as are the majority of carers, both family and professional. It's an issue that affects women disproportionately in various ways -...
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Knowing Me, Knowing You
“Does she still recognise you?” That’s what everyone asks. And for the moment, on most visits, the answer is thankfully yes. My mum does still recognise me. She knows me by sight. But what does...
View ArticleAn Economically Viable Unit
I woke this morning to news of an Alzheimer's Society report that states that over 50% of GPs think that patients with dementia don't get enough support from the NHS, and 67% think those patients don't...
View ArticleNot Just "Memory Problems"
It was the kind of trip we’d made numerous times together – a few days away in a nice hotel, a bit of shopping, theatre, sight-seeing. Mum had always been phobic of lifts since getting trapped in one...
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Paranoia - And The Other Fear That Dare Not Speak Its Name
“I’m very angry with you!” The door burst open, silhouetting mum in the doorway in her nightie. It was about 2.00am and I’d been drifting off to sleep. But she’d got a bee in her bonnet, and she...
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My Biggest Lie: Part 1
I have put off writing this for a long time – an episode I’d rather forget. But as August has come around again, the city familiarly desolate, friends posting happy family snaps from far-flung beaches...
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My Biggest Lie: Part 2
It was the summer of 2011. After many years of struggle, I had finally accepted that mum’s dementia had progressed to a stage where I could no longer keep her safe at home; encouraged by the social...
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Five-Star Hotel, Five-Star Care? Part 1: a Good Home
Five years ago, when I faced an emergency search for a care home for my mum, choice was limited. There were simply not enough homes. Since then the market has rapidly expanded, and today we see an...
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Five-Star Hotel, Five-Star Care? Part 2: Problems
2015: Mum had been in residential care since 2011, becoming mostly bed-bound in the last eighteen months. We had progressed further along the dementia journey, which brought new emotional challenges at...
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Five-Star Hotel, Five-Star Care? Part 3: Crisis
Mum had been in care for four years, and for the vast majority of that time I had been more than happy with the home. I knew how fortunate we were to be able to afford good care in pleasant...
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Five-Star Hotel, Five-Star Care? Part 4: Conclusion
New Year 2016: with mum thankfully recovering from an emergency admission from her care home to hospital just before Christmas (and another acute episode at the beginning of January), I made a formal...
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An Act of Remembrance
On Thursday, 11 May, my play, The Things We Never Said, will go out on BBC Radio 4, starring Lia Williams and Siân Phillips. In years gone by, mum would have been thrilled to share such news, would...
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An Act of Remembrance - Update 2019
This Mother’s Day – just like every other day of the year – I’ll be thinking of my lovely mum, Glenys, who has lived with dementia for over twenty years. She’s in residential care now in my home town,...
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Ninety-Three Birthdays
Last week, my mum was 93. She wouldn’t know that, but I do. An only child, I’ve been alive for about half of those 93 birthdays, and I wish I’d paid more attention. I wish I’d taken more photos in...
View ArticleNos Dawch, Cariad
My beloved mum, Glenys, died peacefully on 8 January 2020, with me by her side. She was 93 and had lived with dementia for probably over 20 years. At rest now: nos dawch, cariad. xx(This video...
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Care Home Visiting & COVID-19
My mum, Glenys, died in January 2020; she had lived with dementia for over 20 years. As an only child, I was her sole family carer, shuttling back and forth at least weekly for most of that time to...
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Snapshot of a Life
My mum, Glenys, died a year ago today. It was not unexpected. She’d lived with dementia for more than twenty years, survived several near-death episodes, and had remarkable strength of spirit that kept...
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